You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize