On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
