I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
How's work?
Spinning.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
