Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
