I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
