3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
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Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
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He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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