is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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