I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
