He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
