So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
