i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
