Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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