At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
