He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
