Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My cat gives me a boner
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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