oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
