return my video game
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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