ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
A bitchslap is in order.
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