I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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