There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I love having hate sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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