Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
