I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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