Who did Billy Mays play for?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
