I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
