Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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