I hate your face
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
