Please, let me fuck your mom
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
