No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
