So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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