guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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