he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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