My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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