Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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