Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My life is pants optional.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
