I wanna passion pit in your ass
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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