3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize