he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
