I was born with a shot glass in my hand
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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