Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
