I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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