If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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