and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
