you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
