I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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