69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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