just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize