peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
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You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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