i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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