dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
