I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
