You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
