so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
