I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
