who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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