you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
