Me. At least after what I've been through.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
