listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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