Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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