Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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