do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
