I want you more than these girls want KFC
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize