There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
