when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
