is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
