I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
