It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
