i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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