I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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