I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
