Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
