I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
