A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
