physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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