He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
