if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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