so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
