You surviving the open bar?
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The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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