He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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