i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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