I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
