He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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