i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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