Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
