____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
