is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
