I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
