Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
