I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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