Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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